Just how long should we wait before panicking?

Have you ever just lost the will to live. No? Me neither, but the will to write sometimes escapes me. After the debacle that was the Giants’ first home stand, I needed a break. I figured “What the heck? I’ll step back, calm myself and when I open my eyes the nightmare will be over.”  

I closed my eyes and drifted off into some bizarre realm when Madison Bumgarner couldn’t win to save his life, where left fielders fell (and hit) like bowling pins, and the spectre of Matt Cain being good again (and becoming a verb again) seemed tantalizingly realistic. I broke into a cold sweat. It couldn’t be, could it. Please, dear God, wake me from this horrible nightmare.

This is not a good way to wake up.

Then the alarm went off. Bumgarner was on the hill in Kansas City and putting up zeroes like it was Game 7. And that’s when I found out the nightmare was real. Insert expletive here.

The Giants are 6-10, coming off a two-gamer in KC in which they managed just two runs over 20 innings of baseball. It’s a miracle they got a split. San Francisco pitchers surrendered just three runs over that span so I guess it’s not a mystery; more of a tragedy actually. I would have gone for “comedy of errors” but there ain’t a damn thing to find funny about this.

San Francisco is dead last in the NL West, four games back of a Colorado team they face on the road starting Friday. Thankfully nobody is trying to run away with the Division of Woe. And if that didn’t sound bad enough, the only team they’d lead if you looked at the wildcard standings is… well, nobody. I need a drink. Their .375 winning percentage is tied for the lowest in the NL with St. Louis, and across baseball only Toronto is worse. Yeah, we’re number 29! Okay, actually tied with the Cards and Rangers for 27^th but you get the picture, and now they have a goal to shoot for. It’s that point where you’re wondering if you should start rooting for the first draft pick or settling for the chase for the Flint Megabowl.

Answers. Where are the answers?

I can already hear you tapping on your keyboards (it’s either that or little doll feet in the attic, which is equally terrifying). “Listen, Mr. Downer. It’s early. They play 162 in this league. It’s early.” Wow, there are a lot of cliché’s to explain why you shouldn’t panic this soon.

With apologies to Crash Davis, I don’t like clichés. At least, not unless I can use one to get a laugh or make a point or .. you get the idea. I like ‘em when they work for me. My relationship with clichés is like the one between Donald Trump and the truth – tenuous at best and great only when they work in my favor. I prefer stats, and here’s one that scares me.

You lose in April, you lose. The last team to win a title without a winning April was the 2003 Marlins and they were break even (we’re playing fast and loose with the March start that year). Please resist the urge to retroactively strap a J.A.T.O. bottle to JT Snow’s ass. The last unit to actually post a losing April and win was the 2002 Angels, who …. dammit. I wanna strangle a rally monkey right about now.

Basically you only get to overcome a slow start if you stomp on the hearts of Giants fans in the process. If that’s the criteria, well, you do the math.

  

So what in the name of John Snow has gone so horribly wrong? The Giants have played five series and managed to win just one. How is it that a team pundits picked to be in the chase for the postseason could go so horribly off the rails?

That’s a complex problem but there is a simple answer. They don’t pitch when they hit; they don’t hit when they pitch, and defense is running hot and cold like my shower when one of my eight-year-olds flushes the toilet. Prime example: Madison Bumgarner. The Giants are 0-4 when their ace takes the hill and it’s not his fault. Over those four starts he’s put up four quality starts yet gotten just five innings of run support while he was the pitcher of record – and he’s hit two home runs. He lost in Kansas City when the only run he allowed scored on a grounder to first that Brandon Belt didn’t field cleanly and on which Bumgarner himself didn’t cover the bag. Every outing is like a motorcycle crash and….

Aw crap. Bumgarner was placed in the DL today with rib and shoulder injuries related to a dirt bike mishap. He can share a room with Jarrett Parker, I guess.  Add to that the loss of Buster Posey for a week with a concussion, Brandon Crawford having to deal with family tragedy, left field sucking up more at-bats than a vampire with Van Helsing on vacation, and Denard Span continuing to be Denard Span, it’s no wonder Bruce Bochy ended up in the hospital.

It does feel like the vultures are starting to circle, doesn't it?

Next you’re gonna tell me Kruk and Kuip are gonna sit down and we’ll have to endure Jeremy Affeldt. You’re kidding…

I don’t know what the answer is but there needs to be one, and soon. The Giants are throwing everything but the kitchen sink (yes, Melvin Upton and Drew Stubbs qualify) but they can’t keep playing like the bottom of the mop bucket after the chili clean-up at Wendy’s. While we enjoyed three rings in five years, and last of those was three seasons ago. The core remains but windows don’t stay open forever, and that’s a good way to attract burglars and pigeons anyway.

Brian Sabean built a reputation as a guy who, depending on your point of view, either doesn’t panic or fiddles while Rome burns. His successor, Bobby Evans, is similarly inclined. But this team has weaknesses than need to be addressed, weaknesses we saw throughout the second half of last year. All credit to Mark Melancon, but adding one guy doesn’t fix a bullpen any more than removing one folding chair from a Great White show makes it safe.

C’mon Giants, show us what you’ve got.