Everyone gets a letter!

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2016 Washington Generals.

Remember those guys? The Washington Generals were the so-called team that traveled with, and laid down for, the classic Harlem Globetrotters night after night; the guys who fell for the hidden ball trick and couldn’t defend the hoop against a basic weave despite seeing it night after night for years ad infinitum.

“Dude, there’s the same weave we saw in Wichita, but maybe it’ll work differently in Kansas City. Don’t defend Meadowlark.”

Cannon-fodder is what they were; just part of the show, brought in to make the headliners look good. and getting de-pantsed in the process. 

That pretty well sums up the Giants’ 2016 spring training non-roster invitees.

This week the team announced a slate of 21 prospects, minor league mainstays, and trying-to-hook-on-somewhere guys who will be given the temporary honor of wearing orange and black somewhere between Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s Day. Cool, faux holidays for faux Giants.

To be fair, these invitations aren’t just symbolic. The Giants hope that someone in the mix catches their attention and becomes worthy of further consideration. There’s always a Justin Maxwell who stands out – you just hope it’s the Maxwell who played last May and not the one who got cut by August.  It’s also a chance to see how guys who hopefully have a future stack up against Major League talent.

But really, they’re the “Hey kid, wanna play?” guy you see at the park who gets to patrol right field so you can have nine on a side.

If you’ve made the trek down to Scottsdale you know the drill. Buster Posey catches three frames and grabs a PowerAde (which we’d shamelessly shill for a sponsorship), the closer is throwing 12 pitches every other day, and by inning number six the playing surface is populated by guys with numbers in the 70s and 80s on their backs. The regulars have long since departed, and some have already reached the 10^th tee.

The problem with all of this is: it’s awesome. 

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. No wait, that’s the Mos Eisley cantina. Spring Training is actually pretty cool, with the views up close and the players, even announcers, more accessible (Thanks for signing the book, Jon.).

But this year’s edition of the Scottsdale Sweepstakes holds no drama. For most, the odds of making the team are only slightly better than hitting the Powerball. That’s not because the invitees aren’t good, just that this year’s opening-day roster seems to be pretty much locked.

There may be a debate over who takes the last outfield spot or home many pitchers they’ll carry, but the following are obvious:

Catchers: Buster Posey, Andrew Susac. Infield: Brandon Belt, Brandon Crawford, Matt Duffy, Joe Panik, Kelby Tomlinson. Outfield: Gregor Blanco, Angel Pagan, Hunter Pence, Denard Span. Pitchers: Madison Bumgarner, Matt Cain, Johnny Cueto, Jake Peavy, Jeff Samardzija, Santiago Casilla, George Kontos, Javier Lopez, Josh Osich, Sergio Romo, Hunter Strickland.

That goes beyond our ability to count on fingers and toes, but just barely. Barring something insane – and we’re talking Donald Trump or Ammon Bundy level lunacy, 23 roster spots are spoken for.  This list has 11 pitchers and four outfielders, so expect one of each to complete the 25.

Did we mention how much we want Tim Lincecum to be that last hurler? If MySpace is willing to write the check (there’s still a MySpace?), do it now!!!

So you’ve like got 21 guys plus late additions shooting for two narrowly-defined spots. The rest? It’s a chance to be seen, either by the Giants or someone else. By the end of March someone’s dream will be realized, someone’s career extended, the table will be set for the future, or the final curtain will fall.

It’s great drama, with or without the background music of Sweet Georgia Brown.